It’s amazing how the moment that I was so terrified of, became a moment of joy and hope. I basically spent the last couple of days worrying about going to the Endocrinologist on Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong, I like him a lot when it comes to anything BUT my diabetes management. Yesterday, I got a call from his office that ended with my appointment being rescheduled for today…Three days early! WHAT!!!!
So there I was sitting nervously in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to say those awful, dreaded words:”Let’s take a look at your numbers” My horrible numbers that were all over the place. I began to ask myself, “Will he see how hard I am trying and the fact that I wrote everything down? What if he only focuses on the negatives… Will I lose my chance of ever getting the pump?”
With sweaty palms and a racing heartbeat, I watched as he went through my log and began writing notes on a piece of paper. He then turned and looked at me, showed me the numbers I had written and asked, “What do you see? ” Umm… “I see
(horrible numbers… the lost chance of you prescribing a pump… my life flashing before my eyes…) high numbers?” I answered and held my breath. He explained that I was getting rebound hypers (high readings) from all of my hypos (the low ones) and that if I got rid of the hypos, the hypers should go as well.
- There was no ‘What are you doing wrong?’ No blame or hurt. Instead he said that he was impressed… He told my mom that I was maturing. He believes in me. I felt like I had won the lottery! Amazingly, although I was already self-motivated from before this visit to finally gain control of my diabetes. Now, I feel on fire and I know I can do it! I got the validation I needed that all the hard work I have done so far is actually showing. I guess the funny thing about hope is that you can find it where you least expect it.