A Funny Thing Called Hope

My Endo - Dr. G

It’s amazing how the moment that I was so terrified of, became a moment of joy and hope. I basically spent the last couple of days worrying about going to the Endocrinologist on Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong, I like him a lot when it comes to anything BUT my diabetes management. Yesterday, I got a call from his office that ended with my appointment being rescheduled for today…Three days early! WHAT!!!!

So there I was sitting nervously in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to say those awful, dreaded words:”Let’s take a look at your numbers” My horrible numbers that were all over the place. I began to ask myself, “Will he see how hard I am trying and the fact that I wrote everything down? What if he only focuses on the negatives… Will I lose my chance of ever getting the pump?”

With sweaty palms and a racing heartbeat, I watched as he went through my log and began writing notes on a piece of paper. He then turned and looked at me, showed me the numbers I had written and asked, “What do you see? ” Umm… “I see (horrible numbers… the lost chance of you prescribing a pump… my life flashing before my eyes…) high numbers?” I answered and held my breath. He explained that I was getting rebound hypers (high readings) from all of my hypos (the low ones) and that if I got rid of the hypos, the hypers should go as well.

There was no ‘What are you doing wrong?’ No blame or hurt. Instead he said that  he was impressed… He told my mom that I was maturing. He believes in me. I felt like I had won the lottery! Amazingly, although I was already self-motivated from before this visit to finally gain control of my diabetes. Now, I feel on fire and I know I can do it! I got the validation I needed that all the hard work I have done so far is actually showing. I guess the funny thing about hope is that you can find it where you least expect it.
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My Diabetes Really Hates Going To The Doctor

Sometimes my blood sugar does not seem to want to co-operate with me. I have an appointment with the Endo in less than a week (well actually in six days but who’s counting) and I was hoping to be able to proudly show my log book with perfect glucose numbers in it and he would then say, “Well Steph, I think you’re ready for the pump!”

Apparently, Big D missed the game plan! My goal was to have my

SEELOW, BRANDENBURG - AUGUST 08:  Country doct...

bloodsugars under 7 mmol/L. Which was going pretty well until this week. Now however, my meter would blatantly show you 12s, 15s and even 20s. Seriously? What happened to all of my pretty 5.2s and 6.6s?

Hmm… Maybe I am stressing a bit (which would explain the high readings). Hmm… I know… I’ll call in sick. – Eh, Doc I can’t make it on Tuesday… I’m under stress caused by having to come in for a visit. – I don’t know about you but I don’t think that will work -_-

My diabetes must really hate going to the doctor lol.

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